Nick Punto Runs Over Catcher; Politely Takes Cleats Off First.

In a humiliatingly awesome play yesterday, Nick Punto, while scoring a run, inconviniently noticed, as he neared home plate, Twins catcher Ryan Doumit had the ball and was foolishly planning on making an attempt to tag him out.  Politely, Punto removed his spikes as a safety measure before, literally, running over Doumit feet first, actually turning the catcher into a welcome mat for home plate complete with the witty slogan, "Every day's better with a Chihuahua!".  When asked later what it felt like to be run over by Punto himself, Doumit liked the experience to what the Egyptians must have felt when Moses un-parted the Red Sea, drowning them all.

Nick Punto Traded to Iowa State, Blocked By Bo Ryan

In an effort to trade one of their superstars to bring young talent into the organization, the Boston Red Sox dealt Nick Punto to Iowa State University for their tops two starters, cash considerations and a sausage and pepperoni calzone.  However, Bo Ryan, head basketball coach for the University of Wisconsin had other ideas.  After blocking the transfer of red-shirt freshman Jarrod Uthoff a few days ago, Bo's appears to be at it again.

When asked if Ryan, a basketball coach, had the jurisdiction to block a transaction between baseball teams, one team not in the Big Ten, one in no way associated with the NCAA, concerning players in no way affiliated with the University of Wisconsin in any way, Red Sox GM Ben Cherington replied, "He just did."

Nick Punto Scores Winning Run, Krumps Last Twenty Feet

With two outs and the game tied in the bottom of the ninth yesterday, Future Hall-Of-Famer Nick Punto stood stoic on second, totally in the zone.  Kevin Youkilis lined a single into right field, and Nick streaked around third, bearing down on home plate.  As Punto neared the dish, however, he began to bust out some of the dopest moves this side of Greenwich Village.  With the whole stadium in astonished silence, Punto krumped the last twenty feet to the plate, popping and locking around the catcher just as the throw arrived from the outfield.  The rest of the Red Sox proceeded to refrain from the usual walk off celebration, instead forming a circle around Punto as he continued to throw down while J-Squad blasted from the stadium's speakers.  This continued for some time, and as it became apparent that Punto had no plan of stopping soon, Mike Aviles had to go head2head with him to show him who's fresh.

Nick Punto Sacrifices His Body, Sacred Cow, Two Yankess Fans To Make The Play

In an unbelievable display of dedication and hustle yesterday, future Hall-Of-Famer Nick Punto sacrificed his body, a Hindu Sacred Cow and two Yankees fans that had been previously heckling him from the stands near first base, in order to make a diving stop in the hole and throw out the runner.  When asked to comment on the play and his shortstop's disturbingly vast knowledge of Aztec sacrificial rituals, manager Bobby Valentine replied, "He's a scrappy guy, he's willing to give up anything to make the play, real scrappy, y'know?"  When queried on his creative inclusion of the Yankee fans into the sacrifice, Nick Punto replied, "That's right, I'm Future Hall-Of-Famer Nick Punto, and if you get in my way, I WILL KILL YOU.  Gotta go, I'm late for my daily telepathic sparring session with Mr. T, the Garfoose and Brian Wilson's beard."

Hello, Puntomas Greetings

Recently, while I was deeply absorbed in my studies as Professor of Puntology at the University of Wyoming-Scott's Bottom, I was notified by a colleague that various leading institutions for expressing fandom towards future Hall-Of-Famer Nick Punto (more widely known as The Shredder) were seriously lacking in commitment.  The website claiming to be the, quote "official" fan club of Nick Punto appeared to have been updated last in 2009.  I initially balked at this travesty, unable to comprehend the disloyal bigotry that could have occurred to abandon such a noble venture as that of a promoter of the fandom of the greatest baseball player ever to beat Chuck Norris.  In everything.

Hence, I quickly created the Officially Official Nick Punto Fan Club, to quench the yearning masses' thirst for more ways to express their adulation towards He himself.  Yes He, with a capitol "H", the M1A2 Abrams assault tank more widely known as Nick Punto.

You're Welcome

Noah P. Stafford,

Supreme Dictator for Life of General Leadership Matters and Presider of the Board of the Oligarchy of the Officially Official Nick Punto Fan Club