Wednesday, August 29, 2012

"A Mix Of Hawk Harrelson And Mike Krukow" - Nick Punto Reported To Verbally Call The Play-By-Play While Playing.

"It's an odd mix of Hawk Harrelson and Mike Krukow," figures MLB umpire Lance Barrett, who worked the plate yesterday, and got a good earful of Punto's on-field audio during his at-bats.  "In general I'm fine with the running commentary, except when he disagrees with a strike call."

"I called a borderline pitch a strike a couple days ago," remembers crewmate James Hoye, "And all I hear from Punto is, "Ooh!  The ump calls that one a strike on the outside corner, let's go to the Pitch FX brought to you by TDS ...mmm... looked like it mighta been juuuuuuuuust off the plate."

"What impresses me is he does the play-by-play and the color commentary; it's a solo show," praises opposing catcher Ramon Hernandez, "and he always remembers to get the promos in."



"Nick Punto Bobbleheads: The Definitive Collection" Art Exhibit To Open Friday At The Guggenheim.

Nick Punto Bobbleheads: The Definitive Collection, opens to much anticipation Friday at the Guggenheim Museum in New York City. 

Art critics worldwide have been chomping at the bit to view the previously private collection of rare Nick Punto bobbles, hailing the figurines as an avant-garde endeavor into a new artistic niche critics have labled "Post-Post-Modern Ironic Industrialist Puntoism".

... And Nick Punto -- Mike Axisa -- Fangraphs.com

Our boy Nick Punto gettin' some cred over at the Fangraphs.  Check the article out here.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Dad, What's That? Those Are Piranhas.


Dodgers Trade For MVP-caliber Utility Player, Superstar First Basemen, Stud Left Fielder And Veteran Pitcher, Also Acquire Adrian Gonzalez, Carl Crawford, Josh Beckett.

The Dodgers pulled off a block buster deal, aquiring MVP-caliber utility player, superstar first basemen, stud left fielder and veteran pitcher Nick Punto, along with Adrian Gonzalez, Carl Crawford and Josh Beckett. The entire deal looked like this:

Dodgers Get:

Util, 1B, SP, OF Nick Punto
1B Adrian Gonzalez
SP Josh Beckett
OF Carl Crawford


Red Sox Get:

1B James Loney
SP Rubby De La Rosa
SP Allen Webster
OF Jerry Sands
INF Ivan De Jesus
12 million cash considerations

Friday, August 24, 2012

Nick Punto Tries Authentic Kansas City Bar-B-Q, Gives It a "B+".

During the postgame press conference yesterday, Nick Punto shockingly revealed he had tried authentic Kansas City BBQ - and was slightly underwhelmed.

In other news, mass suicides have been reported throughout the Kansas City metropolitan area.

Um, Greatest Ever? That Would Be A Yes.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Proposed Deal of Nick Punto To Houston For Entire Astros Roster, Country of Luxembourg, Mummified Remains of Tutenkamen Not Enough For Boston

The trade deadline came and past yesterday at 4 ET without the completion of a much rumored trade between the Astros and Red Sox for Future Hall-of-Fame shortstop Nick Punto.  The Red Sox, still reeling in the wake of countless injuries, decided to deal the slugger for offensive depth, especially in the outfield.  But they weren't about to give Punto away for free.

A source close to the story reports that negotiations went back and fourth for hours, as Red Sox General Manager Ben Cherington gradually cajoled Astros GM Jeff Luhnow's offer up to the entire Houston 25-man roster, the mummified remains of the ancient pharoTutenkamen, and the small central European country of Luxembourg.  Cherington, however, refused to go through with h the trade unless Houston agreed to sweeten the deal by throwing in a dvd boxed set of his favorite CBS crime procedural NCIS, to which Luhnow reportedly replied, "Watch the damn show on Netflix," and Cherington retorted, "They havn't put the show on On Demand, and if you think I'm gonna pay eight bucks extra a month for dvds through the mail, you got another thing coming." Cherington proceeded to ramble on about how Luhnow was being very "un-Agent Gibbs-like", and, naturally, the trade was nixed.