Oakland Athletics to play for Nick Punto in 2014

Though nothing is official, it appears that it appears Future Hall-of-Famer Nick Punto has found his new team for the 2014 season.  Punto said that the Dodgers had really "contributed a lot" during the past year and a half, but that he was looking to "move in a different direction".

Though details are still being worked out, Punto has brought on a team that will deliver big.  With a talented major league roster and fertile farm system, Punto believes he has chosen the best available team to play for him.  "I always say buy low," Punto commented at his official press conference, where he shook hands with his newly acquired teammates, owner, and front office personnel, "The A's are really undervalued.  All of my research has shown that teams with awful stadiums have become the new market inefficiency."

When questioned about how he planned to deploy his new team Punto replied, "Right now, we're looking at playing the Athletics at third, short, and all three outfield spots. I will be manning second, obviously.  As for first base and catcher, I am still exploring other options."

Rumors have circulated that the Minnesota Twins could fill in at first for a second time around with Punto, and that he has expressed interest in the Yomiuri Giants as a potential stopgap behind the plate, though the team's posting fee may be a tad high for Punto's liking.

Nick Punto Fined, Benched For Showing Up Too Early, Saves The Game With Clutch Putout In 9th.

A tense moment in the dugout between Punto and Mattingly
in the dugout during yesterday's game.  An unidentified
Dodgers coach says "Awwwkward" in falsetto in background.

Future Hall-of-Famer Nick Punto was fined and benched yesterday for showing up to the Miami ballpark at 5:35 AM, which lead to his momentary arrest by the Miami PD for trespassing.  Punto was released on bail, and was fined the respective amount by Manager Don Mattingly, who subsequently benched Punto for, "Trying too goddam hard".  Inexorably, however, Punto saved the game for the Dodgers in the 9th with a clutch putout at second, where he had been stationed as a late game defensive replacement.  Offered Yasiel Puig, "He's a transcendent talent, what can I say?  This team was down and out, spinning its wheels in fourth place, and since then Punto has put the team on his back."

The Officially Official Nick Punto Fan Club -- Back By Popular Demand

After a lengthy hiatus of two, possibly even three months, the Officially Official Nick Punto Fan Club, much like the equally ill-advised returns of Jericho and Kim Possible, is back by popular demand.  “By who?”  the reader may ask.  By one man, the author answers, of whom forcibly picked the Officially Official Nick Punto Fan Club up by its proverbial collar and demanded to be paid the fuck attention to.  Danny DeVito has joined forces with Nick Punto in the club of five foot nothing tycoons of industry, and the duo has the promise of being the most compelling Hollywood/baseball couple since Canseco and Madonna, nay DiMaggio and Marylin.  Just watch.  There are no words.

Nick Punto Hits Sixteenth Career Home Run, On Pace To Hit 51 (Assuming 3,000 At Bats)

Another Blockbuster Trade Brewing?

Spring Training is buzzing over rumors that Future Hall-of-Famer Nick Punto is on the trade block.

The Yankees have been chomping at the bit to aquire the superutility infielder, as sorces report that a package of Robinson Cano, Brett Gardner, Mariano Rivera, Jorge Posada, Tino Martinez and Happy Jack Chesboro has been kicked around between the two clubs, though nothing has gone final. Other potential suitors include the Florida Marlins, who have offered an unprecedented 2.5 million dollar contract extension with a no-trade clause if Punto was traded there.

For a more accurate report on Puntorumors, check out MLB Trade Rumors

Celebrate Nick Punto Day on February 12th!

Ah yes, 'tis the season.  The Super Bowl is is the rear view mirror, Keith Law has released his top 100 prospects and ESPN has just launched its fantasy baseball game; all signs that Nick Punto Day is right around the corner! As the twelth most famous of our national holidays, here’s an overview of the hallowed traditions of February 12^th.

Conceived by Twins blogger Andrew Kneeland in 2010, Nick Punto Day was created as a sort of international debate forum, a day for blogger and commenters alike to argue the merits and shortcomings of Little Nicky P. 

Some fine examples of Nick Punto Day can be found here.

The traditional head-first slide into first base has taken its hold as the most widely practiced NPD custom.  In baseball fields throughout the country (regardless of climate) loyal Puntoites can be seen sliding headfirst into first base at a time between 2:10 and 2:59, depending on Punto’s current lifetime batting average. 

So show your Puntmas Spirit on February 12th!  Dress up in your finest Punto gear and spread some holiday cheer!