Classic Punto Vids: Installment 2

So classic

Classic Punto Vids: Installment 1

Classic

A Punto Gif And Limerick

There once was a Dodger so keen

His scrap could be easily seen

He dove in the dirt

And mussed up his shirt

Even though the single was clean

A Punto gif a Day Keeps the Shredder Away: Day 2

Nick Punto rejects your definition of the strike zone

A Punto gif A Day Keeps The Shredder Away: Day 1

The umpire says strike three. False.

The Art of Shredding With Nick Punto

A fantastic article from ESPN that cronicles the lore and legend of Shredder Punto. link

Some choice quotes:

“Last year, David Freese’s Game 6 jersey is in the Hall of Fame,” Punto said. “But it’s torn up in pieces.” 

“Ellis was easy because his jersey isn’t sewn,” Punto said as he pointed to the lining of the buttons on the jersey. “Adrian’s is sewn all the way up, so it’s a tough shred.” 

“They call him the Shredder for a reason, and I was warned about him,” Ellis said with smile. “Matt Guerrier played with him in Minnesota and he warned us all that the Shredder is coming, so when you get the walk-off win, tell Mitch Poole, our clubhouse guy, to order more jerseys.” 

Vintage Punto

Oakland Athletics to play for Nick Punto in 2014

Though nothing is official, it appears that it appears Future Hall-of-Famer Nick Punto has found his new team for the 2014 season.  Punto said that the Dodgers had really "contributed a lot" during the past year and a half, but that he was looking to "move in a different direction".

Though details are still being worked out, Punto has brought on a team that will deliver big.  With a talented major league roster and fertile farm system, Punto believes he has chosen the best available team to play for him.  "I always say buy low," Punto commented at his official press conference, where he shook hands with his newly acquired teammates, owner, and front office personnel, "The A's are really undervalued.  All of my research has shown that teams with awful stadiums have become the new market inefficiency."

When questioned about how he planned to deploy his new team Punto replied, "Right now, we're looking at playing the Athletics at third, short, and all three outfield spots. I will be manning second, obviously.  As for first base and catcher, I am still exploring other options."

Rumors have circulated that the Minnesota Twins could fill in at first for a second time around with Punto, and that he has expressed interest in the Yomiuri Giants as a potential stopgap behind the plate, though the team's posting fee may be a tad high for Punto's liking.

Nick Punto Fined, Benched For Showing Up Too Early, Saves The Game With Clutch Putout In 9th.

A tense moment in the dugout between Punto and Mattingly
in the dugout during yesterday's game.  An unidentified
Dodgers coach says "Awwwkward" in falsetto in background.

Future Hall-of-Famer Nick Punto was fined and benched yesterday for showing up to the Miami ballpark at 5:35 AM, which lead to his momentary arrest by the Miami PD for trespassing.  Punto was released on bail, and was fined the respective amount by Manager Don Mattingly, who subsequently benched Punto for, "Trying too goddam hard".  Inexorably, however, Punto saved the game for the Dodgers in the 9th with a clutch putout at second, where he had been stationed as a late game defensive replacement.  Offered Yasiel Puig, "He's a transcendent talent, what can I say?  This team was down and out, spinning its wheels in fourth place, and since then Punto has put the team on his back."

The Officially Official Nick Punto Fan Club -- Back By Popular Demand

After a lengthy hiatus of two, possibly even three months, the Officially Official Nick Punto Fan Club, much like the equally ill-advised returns of Jericho and Kim Possible, is back by popular demand.  “By who?”  the reader may ask.  By one man, the author answers, of whom forcibly picked the Officially Official Nick Punto Fan Club up by its proverbial collar and demanded to be paid the fuck attention to.  Danny DeVito has joined forces with Nick Punto in the club of five foot nothing tycoons of industry, and the duo has the promise of being the most compelling Hollywood/baseball couple since Canseco and Madonna, nay DiMaggio and Marylin.  Just watch.  There are no words.

Nick Punto Hits Sixteenth Career Home Run, On Pace To Hit 51 (Assuming 3,000 At Bats)

Another Blockbuster Trade Brewing?

Spring Training is buzzing over rumors that Future Hall-of-Famer Nick Punto is on the trade block.

The Yankees have been chomping at the bit to aquire the superutility infielder, as sorces report that a package of Robinson Cano, Brett Gardner, Mariano Rivera, Jorge Posada, Tino Martinez and Happy Jack Chesboro has been kicked around between the two clubs, though nothing has gone final. Other potential suitors include the Florida Marlins, who have offered an unprecedented 2.5 million dollar contract extension with a no-trade clause if Punto was traded there.

For a more accurate report on Puntorumors, check out MLB Trade Rumors

Celebrate Nick Punto Day on February 12th!

Ah yes, 'tis the season.  The Super Bowl is is the rear view mirror, Keith Law has released his top 100 prospects and ESPN has just launched its fantasy baseball game; all signs that Nick Punto Day is right around the corner! As the twelth most famous of our national holidays, here’s an overview of the hallowed traditions of February 12^th.

Conceived by Twins blogger Andrew Kneeland in 2010, Nick Punto Day was created as a sort of international debate forum, a day for blogger and commenters alike to argue the merits and shortcomings of Little Nicky P. 

Some fine examples of Nick Punto Day can be found here.

The traditional head-first slide into first base has taken its hold as the most widely practiced NPD custom.  In baseball fields throughout the country (regardless of climate) loyal Puntoites can be seen sliding headfirst into first base at a time between 2:10 and 2:59, depending on Punto’s current lifetime batting average. 

So show your Puntmas Spirit on February 12th!  Dress up in your finest Punto gear and spread some holiday cheer!

For Those Already Missing The Baseall Season...

Nick Punto Confused With Infield Fly Fiasco, "For Me, That Ball's a Routine Triple Play"

Future Hall-of-Famer and Dodgers superutility man Nick Punto called a press conference today to express his confusion over the Cardinals-Braves infield-fly fiasco.  He spent most of the conference wondering aloud what he was missing.

"I don't get what the hulabaloo is all about," Punto quipped, "If I'm playing shortstop, that ball's an unnassisted triple play every time."

Hustle: The Puntomeme

"That's So Cano" Is What All The Kids Are Saying These Days

The phrase, "That's so Cano," is, according to multiple sources, what all the kids are saying these days.  The phrase originates from Robinson Cano's famed lack of hustle.  It was originally used to critisize someone who was talented but didn't try or hustle, and failed to achieve what they were capable of.  It has evolved into a phrase to express general disapproval towards something.

Nick Punto Entrenched In Race For SB% Title, Methodically Eliminating Competition By Hiring Jason Bourne To Kill Them.

Future Hall-of-Famer and Dodgers Superutility Man Nick Punto has been entrenched in a fierce battle for the 2012 MLB stolen base percentage title for weeks now.  He leads the majors with a 100% stolen base percentage, but is tied for the lead with with dozens of others. Showing his usual hustle and determination, he has taken to ensuring his victory by systematically killing his adversaries. 
Tim Kurkjian of ESPN.com reports Punto has hired rogue CIA agent Jason Bourne to methodically terminate the competition.  Already, prominent adversaries in the SB% race Quentin Berry and Donovan Solano have been seen sprinting over the rooftops of Cairo, Egypt pursued by a hooded figure toting a high powered rifle.  They haven't been head from since.  Other 100 percent-ers Josh Rutledge and Lorenzo Cain have told tales of strangers in their proximity dropping dead at random with bullet wounds to the head.  Russell Martin reports his house exploded after someone left his TV Guide in the toaster.

The Official Officially Official Nick Punto Fan Club Flyer!!!! Download, Print And Spread The Word!!!

Join!

Nick Punto Snubs Star SD Chargers Tight-End By Failing To Open Garden Gate For Him; Scandal Dubbed "Gates Gategate"

During a charity event at the Los Angeles Zoo and Botanical Gardens, Future Hall-of-Famer and Dodger Superutility man Nick Punto was put in an awkward spot yesterday, when, while in the process of opening and walking through a wrought iron gate on the grounds, San Diego Chargers star tight-end Antonio Gates came rushing up behind with the intention of also passing through before Punto closed the gate, so as to not go through the laborious task of re-opening the latch and pushing the gate aside.  With Punto facing away from him, approaching at a brisk jog, Gates shouted, "Yo! Nicky-P!" at which Punto showed no reaction and continued through the gate, allowing it to slam in Gates' face.

Various sources have weighed in on the significance of what has been dubbed, "Gates Gategate."  Those in the know are divided into two camps as to the intended message of "the slam".  One theory is "Gates Gategate," is simply another incident in long and bloody history of the L.A.-S.D. rivalry.  A more popular theory proposes that Antonio Gates has developed a reputation in the pro-sports industry as a socially awkward 'nick-namer' and his usage of the name "Nicky-P" gave Punto an urge to flee lest his style be cramped.  No concrete evidence has surfaced to support either theory, nor a third Tim Tebow-centric postulate being pushed heavily by ESPN.  Whatever the reason the intrigue of Gates Gategate lives on.