Future Hall-of-Famer and Dodgers Superutility Man Nick Punto has been entrenched in a fierce battle for the 2012 MLB stolen base percentage title for weeks now. He leads the majors with a 100% stolen base percentage, but is tied for the lead with with dozens of others. Showing his usual hustle and determination, he has taken to ensuring his victory by systematically killing his adversaries.
Tim Kurkjian of ESPN.com reports Punto has hired rogue CIA agent Jason Bourne to methodically terminate the competition. Already, prominent adversaries in the SB% race Quentin Berry and Donovan Solano have been seen sprinting over the rooftops of Cairo, Egypt pursued by a hooded figure toting a high powered rifle. They haven't been head from since. Other 100 percent-ers Josh Rutledge and Lorenzo Cain have told tales of strangers in their proximity dropping dead at random with bullet wounds to the head. Russell Martin reports his house exploded after someone left his TV Guide in the toaster.
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