"Nick Punto Bobbleheads: The Definitive Collection" Art Exhibit To Open Friday At The Guggenheim.

Nick Punto Bobbleheads: The Definitive Collection, opens to much anticipation Friday at the Guggenheim Museum in New York City. 

Art critics worldwide have been chomping at the bit to view the previously private collection of rare Nick Punto bobbles, hailing the figurines as an avant-garde endeavor into a new artistic niche critics have labled "Post-Post-Modern Ironic Industrialist Puntoism".

... And Nick Punto -- Mike Axisa -- Fangraphs.com

Our boy Nick Punto gettin' some cred over at the Fangraphs.  Check the article out here.

Dad, What's That? Those Are Piranhas.

Dodgers Trade For MVP-caliber Utility Player, Superstar First Basemen, Stud Left Fielder And Veteran Pitcher, Also Acquire Adrian Gonzalez, Carl Crawford, Josh Beckett.

The Dodgers pulled off a block buster deal, aquiring MVP-caliber utility player, superstar first basemen, stud left fielder and veteran pitcher Nick Punto, along with Adrian Gonzalez, Carl Crawford and Josh Beckett. The entire deal looked like this:

Dodgers Get:

Util, 1B, SP, OF Nick Punto
1B Adrian Gonzalez
SP Josh Beckett
OF Carl Crawford


Red Sox Get:

1B James Loney
SP Rubby De La Rosa
SP Allen Webster
OF Jerry Sands
INF Ivan De Jesus
12 million cash considerations

Nick Punto Tries Authentic Kansas City Bar-B-Q, Gives It a "B+".

During the postgame press conference yesterday, Nick Punto shockingly revealed he had tried authentic Kansas City BBQ - and was slightly underwhelmed.

In other news, mass suicides have been reported throughout the Kansas City metropolitan area.

Um, Greatest Ever? That Would Be A Yes.

Usain Bolt Wins Gold In 100-Meter Dash. Nick Punto Wins 100-Meter Dash

Proposed Deal of Nick Punto To Houston For Entire Astros Roster, Country of Luxembourg, Mummified Remains of Tutenkamen Not Enough For Boston

The trade deadline came and past yesterday at 4 ET without the completion of a much rumored trade between the Astros and Red Sox for Future Hall-of-Fame shortstop Nick Punto.  The Red Sox, still reeling in the wake of countless injuries, decided to deal the slugger for offensive depth, especially in the outfield.  But they weren't about to give Punto away for free.

A source close to the story reports that negotiations went back and fourth for hours, as Red Sox General Manager Ben Cherington gradually cajoled Astros GM Jeff Luhnow's offer up to the entire Houston 25-man roster, the mummified remains of the ancient pharoTutenkamen, and the small central European country of Luxembourg.  Cherington, however, refused to go through with h the trade unless Houston agreed to sweeten the deal by throwing in a dvd boxed set of his favorite CBS crime procedural NCIS, to which Luhnow reportedly replied, "Watch the damn show on Netflix," and Cherington retorted, "They havn't put the show on On Demand, and if you think I'm gonna pay eight bucks extra a month for dvds through the mail, you got another thing coming." Cherington proceeded to ramble on about how Luhnow was being very "un-Agent Gibbs-like", and, naturally, the trade was nixed.

Nick Punto Hits Ball With Such Potencey, Half Of Massachusetts Is Impregnated.

Future Hall-Of-Famer Nick Punto hit a line shot with such potency in yesterday's game, women from Cape Cod to Pittsfield reported sudden pregnancy of unknown origin, and early estimates conclude that approximately 52% of the female Massachusetts population was impregnated by Punto's hit.

Nick Punto To Release Breakfast Cereal Called "Yankee O's" With Motto, "Just like Nick, You Too Can Eat Yankees For Breakfast".

After much anticipation, Future Hall-Of-Famer Nick Punto called a press conference yesterday to announce his partnership with Kellogg's in the creation of his own breakfast cereal "Yankee O's" that will be marketed with the tagline, "Just like Nick, you too can eat Yankees for breakfast."
A sample of the product was then distributed among the press present.  The box features a smiling headshot of Punto, mouth agape, about to chomp down on a spoonful of miniature Curtis Grandersons, Mark Teixieras, Derek Jeters, and A-Rods, all screaming in horror.
The cereal itself features a similar design, the compressed oats made to look like the screaming heads of past and former Yankees, but the real highlight of the product is the mini plastic Nick Punto action figure as the prize at the bottom of each box.  When a button on the back of the Punto figurine is pressed, his right foot stomps down to the floor.  Put a Yankee-head piece of cereal underneath this foot, and "You've got hours and hours of Yankee-stomping fun!"

Nick Punto Tries To Swing And Miss #yolo.

In a moment of boredom during yesterday's game, Future Hall-of-Famer Nick Punto, just for the hell of it, attempted to swing and miss at a pitch.  He failed, accidentally hitting the pitch into the Charles River, approximantely a mile beyond the left field wall.  Punto tossed his bat in anger as he watched his moonshot leave the park, disgusted in his failure to swing and miss at the pitch.

Nick Punto Booked At The Last Minute To Perform At Teen Choice Awards, Ratings Go Through The Roof

In a surprising move by Fox Sunday, probably in the face of low expected ratings, brought in Nick Punto as guest host with Demi Lovato.  Fox cited Punto's appeal to the female teenage demographic, which most likely contributed to his impromptu duet with Flo Rida,  Performing "Wild Ones", Punto not only sang Sia's vocal part, he also took a page from Justin Timberlake, ripping off Flo Rida's top at the end of of the song.

Nick Punto Blows Off Home Run Derby, Will Instead Watch Re-Runs of "The Real Housewives of Atlanta"

In a shocking press conference yesterday, Nick Punto announced that he would be turning down Robinson Cano's request that he represent the American League in next Monday's State Farm Home Run Derby.
When asked his reasons for declining Cano's offer, Punto replied "The dynamic between Kim and Cynthia is just so intriguing to me, and of course with Nene and her relationship issues, it's must watch television."

Nick Punto Blows Off Home Run Derby, Instead Plans On Listening To Taylor Swift In His Bedroom.

In a shocking press conference yesterday, Nick Punto announced that he would be turning down Robinson Cano's request that he represent the American League in next Monday's State Farm Home Run Derby.
When asked his reasons for declining Cano's offer, Punto replied, "I'm sorry to all the dissapointed fans out there, but it's been a long, stressful first half, and I need to find my happy place, which just happens to be in bed with my PJs on, singing along to T. Swift whilee using my hairbrush as a microphone."

Nick Punto Blows off Home Run Derby, Will Fight Crime As Ass-Kicking Vigilante Instead.

In a shocking press conference yesterday, Nick Punto announced that he would be turning down Robinson Cano's request that he represent the American League in next Monday's State Farm Home Run Derby.
When asked his reasons for declining Cano's offer, he explained his long awaited plans to throw caution to the wind and become a crime-fighting vigilante over the All-Star Break.  Punto says he plans to expound on his already fearsome alter-ego, "The Shredder", and take to the streets of Boston to, "Shred up crime." Punto later added the catch phrase was a work in progress.

Nick Punto Blows Off Home Run Derby Because, "You Can't Slide Headfirst On a Home Run".

In a shocking press conference yesterday, Nick Punto announced that he would be turning down Robinson Cano's request that he represent the American League in next Monday's State Farm Home Run Derby.
When asked his reasons for declining Cano's offer, Punto explained hitting home runs was against his principles, and that heart, hustle, grit, determination and being a total badass are attributes that really win a baseball game.
"You can't slide headfist on a home run," Punto argued. When asked how he had hit 15 home runs in his 12 year career if he found homers fundamentally wrong, Punto admitted that he wasn't abovem, "Unfortunate lapses in concentration."

Nick Punto Overrules Supreme Court's Ruling On Obama Heath Care Law, Instead Institutes "Puntocare".

In a bold move today, Future Hall of Famer Nick Punto used his vast political influence to overturn the Supreme Court's 5-4 ruling in favor of the constitutionality of Obamacare. With Obamacare squashed, he then pushed through "Puntocare".  Not really a new healthcare plan at all, "Puntocare" calls for total dismantling of the health care infastructure, and reccomends instead of healthcare to, quote, "Rub some dirt on it."

Nick Punto Is The New Black

Nick Punto First To Wear "Kiss Me I'm Irish" Shirt to Not Be Total Douchebag

In the clubhouse after the Red Sox's 7-5 win on Tuesday, Future Hall-Of-Famer Nick Punto changed into a garment that is typically a staple of douchebaggery: The "Kiss Me I'm Irish" Shirt.

Except, in a monumental effort, he pulled it off.

"Honestly, I think he's workin' it man," commented David Ortiz, Self Appointed King of Baseball Swag. "Usually that kinda shirt just screams asshole, but he really owns it."

New England Patriots Sign Free Agent Fullback Nick Punto

The Patriots signed Nick Punto to play fullback for their team in 2012 on Saturday, initiating a media blitz around the newest two sport pro.  Comparisons to Bo Jackson were thrown out left and right, but that's just rediculous.  Nick Punto's way better.