Nick Punto Retirement Full Coverage: The Official Announcement

I'm sad

2/19. Never Forget.

Go to your loved ones. Hold them close.

https://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2016/02/nick-punto-retires.html

Classic Punto Literature -- Vol 4 -- An Oral History of Nick Punto Sliding Headfirst into First Base

By: Randball's Stu
Place: SB Nation -- Twinkie Town
Title: An Oral History of Nick Punto Sliding Headfirst into First Base
Date: January 24, 2013
Profound Excerpt:

"COREY KOSKIE (former third baseman, Minnesota Twins): Punto shows up at the Dome on this tricked-out Harley, and I swear to God the entire thing is on fire, him included, like that Ghost Rider movie. He skids to a halt, jumps off the bike, rolls around on the grass to put out the fire, brushes himself off, and says, "Woo! Tokyo Drift! Alright, boys, let's go, let's go, let's go! Play to win, guys!"

LINK

Infographic: How to Make "The Punto Slush"

For those unaware of one of Future Hall of Famer Nick Punto's significant contribution to the field of mixology, the backstory, via NESN.com:

NESN.com: You're also known for the Punto Slush, so what's the story behind that?  

NP: That's old and with me and [Justin] Morneau. He was a very superstitious player and I made him one of these –– they had these slush machines over there –– and it was basically one of those 7-11 slurpee machines and I put Mountain Dew with the cherry slushie and he hit two home runs and had four hits one night. Then he kept it going and got on a tear and I basically had to make that for him everyday for an entire season. It actually lasted a couple seasons.

Though the story behind the origin of The Punto Slush is fairly concrete, the precise ingredients of The Punto Slush itself are more nebulous, shrouded in a cloud of ambiguity and contradiction.  In his 2009 piece "Justin Morneau's Superstitions Reflect His Hockey Roots", Buster Olney reports,

"Morneau's gotta have a Punto Slurpee before every game, and only Punto can make it, using the same recipe: one-half Mountain Dew, one-half red or orange stuff."

Orange stuff?  Slurpee?  It can probably be said definitively that the Punto Slush is, in fact, a slurpee, not a slushy.  Punto himself seems to use "slushy" and "slurpee" interchangeably, and Olney states unconditionally that concoction is indeed a slurpee, not a slushy.  Calling the confection a "Punto Slush" may therefore be slightly misleading, but after thorough research and a healthy debate, we here at the ONPFC have come to the conclusion that "The Punto Slush" is, in fact, the correct nomenclature.  More controversially, Olney seems to report an alternate recipe to the 50/50 Mtn Dew and Cherry mixture that Punto provided in the NESN article.  A shady "orange" proxy flavor is suggested to be an acceptable substitute.  Diving even deeper into the reportage of the beverage unearths an even more dubious contradiction.

"The shake Nick Punto makes for Morneau before each game is a mixture of Slurpee and Mountain Dew."

This from JockBio.com.  What?  This wording seems to imply that Punto mixed slurpee with real, raw Mountain Dew.  Like, the soda.  We here at the ONPFC had previously assumed that the mentioned Mountain Dew was the Mountain Dew flavored slurpee.  Oddly, this recipe is reiterated across various highly-reputable media outlets.  A similar recipe is reported on Nick Blardes's GoodReads blog, as well as Onstageblog.com.  What am I building towards with this multitude of examples, the reader may ask?  Well, what I am doing is demonstrating the need for a definitive and comprehensive recipe for The Punto Slush.  It is what the people need.  Through some intrepid reporting on the part of the whole team here at the ONPFC, we have arrived at what we think is the definitive Punto Slush recipe.  It is presented just below, in infographic form.

Interestingly, the orange slurpee, as suggested by Olney and others was a red herring.  Various sources confirmed that the orange flavor was never an acceptable alternative to cherry in making a Punto Slush.  The confusion over "Mountain Dew" has been resolved as well, as we have confirmed that the ingredient is, indeed, Mountain Dew flavored slurpee.

Additionally, we discovered that the Punto Slush is, in fact, not a half-and-half concoction as stated elsewhere.  Through the power of investigative reporting, we have unearthed a full ten ingredients that were not reported anywhere else.  #relevatory is an understatement.

Astute readers will notice that adding the ingredient percentages together does not result in the number 100, but rather 110.  That is because Nick Punto always gives 110%.  Duh.

Classic Punto Literature -- Vol 3 -- Nick Punto's New Bike

By: Jon Marthaler
Place: SB Nation -- Twinkie Town
Title: Nick Punto's New Bike
Date: March 3, 2008

LINK

Classic Punto Literature -- Vol 2 -- A Day in the Life of Little Nicky Punto

By: Jon Marthaler
Place: SB Nation -- Twinkie Town
Title: A Day in the Life of Little Nicky Punto
Date: Feb 12, 2010
Profound Excerpt:

4:35 - Call Gardy. He's not picking up, like every morning, but now he knows that SOMEBODY was up. And getting after it.

LINK 

Classic Punto Literature -- Vol 1 -- Nick Punto Visits Twins in Anaheim; Enthusiasm Injuries at 'Expected' Levels

By: Randball Stu
Place: SB Nation -- Twinkie Town
Title: Nick Punto Visits Twins in Anaheim; Enthusiasm Injuries at 'Expected' Levels
Date: July 24, 2015
Profound Excerpt:

"That little S.O.B. just went headfirst into the rocks while the geysers were going off," said an usher who asked to remain anonymous.  "He was yelling 'INTENSITY' and 'TWIST IT LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOO' and the rocks just kept tumbling down.

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